- Saskatoon, SK
June 24, 2024
The Art of Managing Stress and Resolving Conflict Constructively
Stress Versus Crisis
Have you ever asked yourself why am I so stressed out? or why am I always in crisis? or why can’t I resolve conflicts occurring in my life? If so, you are like a lot of people who despite the best intentions and desires find themselves struggling for answers and trying to make sense of the chaos happening, individually, and in their close personal relationships.
“In the end, just three things matter: How well we have lived. How well we have loved. How well we have learned to let go.” – Jack Kornfield
There is a difference between the concepts of crisis and stress. Stress can be motivating and damaging while in other instances it can be beneficial and is called eustress and not distress. Stress is always a present in one’s life. Typically, stress tells us something is not right, and we likely need to check out what is going on emotionally, physically, psychologically, spiritually, financially, or socially. Life stressors are the underlying causes of stress.
Life is full of stressors from having an overbearing boss, to having a son or daughter experimenting with drugs, to commuting to work each day to cramming for final exams. We all experience and deal with stress differently. Stress can cause anxiety which rather than being debilitating can motivate us to make changes and/or get things done.
Crisis, on the other hand, is the buildup of stressors to beyond a point where you can’t tolerate the situation. During times of stress, you can still function. During a crisis you will often be unable to function and will need assistance to get back to a level of emotional and physiological balance and stability.
A crisis may occur when you become overwhelmed with stressors to the point you cannot function effectively, and you lose control and go through some type of emotional upheaval. You become unstable and are unable to live life normally. For some this phenomenon may never come but for many this instability is something that comes and goes frequently.
Role of Anxiety and Fear in Stress Responses
Anxiety is a natural organic response to stress. Worry and fear can be emotionally overwhelming and physically debilitating. Stress is part of the body’s response to pressure related to relationships, work and life demands. The fight, flight, or freeze response occurs in the mind and body when people feel threatened.
“No amount of anxiety can change the future. No amount of regret can change the past.” – Karen Salmansohn
According to the CAMH – Centre for Addictions & Mental Health, stress is a “normal response to situational pressures or demands, especially if they are perceived as threatening or dangerous. Stress is the result of brain chemicals, called hormones, surging through the body. These hormones make people sweat, breathe quicker, tense their muscles and prepare to take action. When this happens, a person’s built-in alarm system—their “fight-or flight” response—becomes activated to protect them.”
“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” – Epictetus
Types of Stress
Stress is a normal part of life. We all feel stress even the most confident sounding and most together looking person you know. When stress becomes too much, or you believe it is too much to handle then that situation can become unhealthy and dangerous. Too much unresolved stress can lead to a personal crisis. The distinction between being stressed and being in a crisis is the difference between managing a part of life or having that part of life manage you. So, in essence you are being in control and managing the situation effectively or else you are being out of control and not sure what is going to happen in your life.
“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask yourself if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.” – Deepak Chopra
There are two types of stress: acute and chronic. Acute stress triggers a protective bodily response during an emergency and can be described as “sudden and unexpected”. This type of stress occurs quickly but is short-lived. On the other hand, chronic stress tends to occur gradually over a longer period. Chronic stress occurs when you feel overwhelmed or challenged by numerous persistent stressors that gradually worsen over time.
“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.” – Steve Maraholi
Haiku Poem on Stress
Work, life, money: stress!
Seek a holistic lifestyle
Breathe in and breathe out
“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” – William James
For more information about stress including the signs and symptoms, the causes and risk factors, and the diagnosis and treatment, access the CAMA article.
How to manage conflicts constructively and prevent life crises?
What is Conflict Resolution?
No matter the cause of disagreements and disputes, at home, work, or between friends, Conflict Resolution skills are invaluable tools to help you resolve conflict constructively and to keep your relationships strong and healthy.
Conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. No two people will agree or should be expected to agree on everything, all the time. When faced with conflict, many people revert to conditioned habits and avoid the conflictual situation rather than trying to resolve it in a healthy way.
When conflict is mismanaged, great harm can happen to the relationship but when handled in a positive, respectful manner, conflict provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond and connection between two people. Conflict resolution will contribute to you maintaining a more balanced and calmer level of functioning and for you to experience satisfying relationships in all aspects of life.
Haiku Poem on Conflict
Tension lives on
In the solitude of love
Pride is the winner
As your Life Coach, I can provide strategies for you to manage conflicts constructively and prevent crises by turning disagreements into collaborative win-win discussions. Collaborative discussion and negotiations build healthy relationships that produce value for you and other people in your life and can only occur when everyone, including yourself, is open to honestly expressing their interests or what is important to them.
Haiku Poem on Resolution
Warm inner feeling
Tension evaporates
The sun shines brightly
Goal of Crisis Prevention
Resolving conflict and crises is beneficial to your health and wellbeing, however, the aim of crisis prevention is to reduce the intensity of your emotional, mental, physical, and behavioral reactions to a crisis. The goal is to have you return to your normal level of functioning free from distorted thinking, emotional reactivity and maladaptive perceptions. Through insight, awareness and practicing new intervention and coping strategies you will be able to manage future difficulties more effectively.
Haiku Poem on Crisis
Fear visits mindbody
Fight, flight, or freeze reaction
Remember to breathe
“The use of force may control people physically, but it won’t change their hearts and minds. You can only do that on the basis of trust and friendship.” – Dalai Lama
Different Styles of Communication
The first step in managing conflict and stressful situations is to identify and understand your unique communication style. Your style of communication may be assertive, passive, aggressive or passive-aggressive or a combination of all. Recognizing your primary style of communication helps to identify your natural tendencies and areas that might need improvement.
It is a given you will experience conflict in life, but whether you respond or react to the event, will make a significant difference in your personal and professional life. Developing a personalized plan will help you build stronger relationships and lead a more fulfilling life. You may use one or more of the five common Conflict Resolution strategies avoiding, competing, accommodating, collaboration, or compromising depending on your personality, preferences and power base. In subsequent life coaching sessions, we can explore your past experiences with conflict, your comfort level with disagreements, and your preferred technique of conflict resolution.
I bring extensive experience in mediation and conflict resolution to help you navigate complex interpersonal challenges and recurring difficulties in life. Conflict at work with a colleague, parent teen difficulties, unwanted anger outbursts, struggles in a romantic relationship and trouble maintaining friendships are some examples of “complex interpersonal challenges”.
The signs or indicators you are struggling with an interpersonal relationship include:
- Becoming frustrated and angry more easily,
- withdrawing or not socializing with friends,
- feeling you are not good enough to be in a relationship,
- struggling to express yourself verbally and nonverbally,
- difficulty listening to others,
- and feeling isolated and experiencing feelings of loneliness.
Strategies to Manage Conflict Constructively
Conflict is a natural part of life, but it doesn’t have to be destructive. When managed constructively, conflict can lead to personal growth and insight, better understanding of self and others, and stronger more emotionally balanced relationships. Here are some effective strategies to manage conflict constructively:
- Active Listening: Active listening is foundational to resolving conflicts. It is truly important to listen to the other party without interrupting. This means focusing on the speaker, acknowledging their feelings, reflecting back what you have heard to ensure understanding. Active listening not only demonstrates respect but also helps to clarify issues and reduce misunderstandings.
- Empathy and Perspective-Taking: Empathy means putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. By understanding and validating the emotions and viewpoints of others, you can foster a more empathetic and cooperative atmosphere. This doesn’t mean agreeing with everything but showing you value the other person’s perspective.
- Clear and Assertive Communication: You should learn to express your own needs clearly and assertively without being aggressive. This involves using “I” statements (e.g., I feel ______ because ______) to convey feelings without blaming or criticizing others. Assertive communication helps to prevent escalation and promotes mutual respect.
Problem Solving Approach: You need to focus on finding solutions rather than dwelling on the problem. Brainstorm possible solutions with the other party and evaluate the pros and cons of each option once you have compiled the list. This collaborative approach can lead to win win outcomes and strengthen relationships.
- Identify the Root Causes: Conflicts often arise from underlying issues. Take the time to identify and address the root causes rather than simply focusing on the symptoms. Ask questions to uncover the real problem and focus on finding a solution that addresses the issue in the most satisfactory way for both parties.
- Managing Emotions: You need to show emotional intelligence and develop techniques to manage your emotions during conflicts. Emotional regulation is aided by deep breathing exercises, taking a timeout, or practicing mindfulness. By keeping your emotions in check, it allows for more rational and constructive discussions.
- Seek Compromise and Collaboration: Approach conflict with a willingness to compromise and collaborate. Look for win win solutions where both parties feel satisfied. This approach fosters a sense of teamwork and shared responsibility.
- Focus on the Future: Instead of dwelling on past grievances, focus on future solutions. Discuss how you can prevent similar conflicts in the future and establish a plan for moving forward. This proactive approach can strengthen your relationship and prevent recurring issues.
Conclusion:
Being able to manage stress and having effective conflict resolution skills is necessary at home, work and in the community. Conflicts are inevitable and part of life. Even though you may get along with most people in your life, most of the time, you will still likely find yourself faced with a conflict scenario from time to time.
So, instead of being worried, fearful, and, consciously, trying to avoid conflicts altogether, you should work on your conflict resolution skills which you can use to facilitate discussions, increase understanding, help control emotional responses and come to mutually beneficial agreements.
The way you handle a conflict shows a lot about who you are as a person. If you can resolve a conflict with grace and calmness, it indicates that you’re willing to put your differences aside for the sake of a resolution, which is a very important trait to have. The next time you find yourself faced with a conflict with someone important in your life, follow the above strategies and you’ll be comfortable with conflict resolution in no time.
As a Life Coach, I am here to help you navigate the stressful world of conflict and help turn disagreements into opportunities for positive change. Remember, managing conflict constructively is a skill that can be learned, refined, and mastered. Practice may not make perfect, but it allows you to gain more skills and confidence in the conflict resolution process. With the right approach, conflict can be transformed into a catalyst for growth, awareness, and harmony.
By incorporating and practicing these techniques, you can enhance your conflict resolution skills, leading to personal growth and more harmonious and productive interactions in all areas of your life.